HOW TO STAY ALIVE (WHEN YOUR BODY HATES YOU): A WORKOUT FOR THE PERPETUALLY IN TRANSIT
Suitcases weren’t designed for wellness. Neither were cheap hotels, overnight buses, or beers-for-breakfast. But here you are. Moving. Surviving. Slowly eroding your posture one red-eye at a time.
Stretching won’t fix your poor decisions. These exercises won’t either. But they might keep you from seizing up like an old lawnmower somewhere between Phnom Penh and Palermo.
These are not workouts for performance. They’re for preservation. To keep you on your feet, to keep you moving, to keep you from becoming that guy who threw his back out lifting a carry-on.
You don’t need equipment. You don’t need a gym. You don’t need WiFi. All you need is a floor and a body and five minutes before your next bad idea.
1. AIRPORT FLOOR BRIDGES
For the glutes. For the hips. For reminding your spine what alignment used to feel like.
Lie on your back. Feet flat. Knees bent. Push through your heels until your hips lift. Squeeze your ass like you’re trying to crack a peanut between your cheeks.
Hold. Lower. Repeat. 3 sets of 20 or until someone gives you weird looks in the departure lounge.
2. BORDER CROSSING CLAMSHELLS
Tiny movement, big impact. Protects your hips, strengthens your core, helps you survive another overnight ferry bunk.
Lie on your side. Knees bent. Keep your feet together. Open your top knee like you’re prying apart a reluctant passport. Close it. Open it again. Do 20 per side. Don’t rush. This is the only slow thing you’ll do today.
3. SQUATS FOR TERRIBLE IDEAS
Because you still need legs to run for closing gates, chase down buses, or climb five flights when the elevator’s broken. Again.
Feet shoulder-width. Chest up. Sit back like you’re lowering into a very suspect toilet. Push through your heels to stand. Do 20. Add weight if you’re feeling nostalgic for your checked bag.
4. KICKS FOR KNEES AND KARMA
Find a wall. Brace yourself. Kick backward like you’re trying to dislodge an ex from your DMs. Slow. Controlled. Alternate sides. 20 per leg. No one’s watching. Or they are. Who cares.
None of this is revolutionary. None of it will change your life. But it might keep you moving long enough to get to wherever you’re going next.
And let’s face it — you didn’t pack for recovery.
